The following conversations are taken from official court records in the US. Thankfully they recorded so we can laugh at them today! Click on the Cyanide and Happiness comic to enlarge it if you'd like to read it.
Excerpt #1
- Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
- Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
- Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
- Witness: "No."
- Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
- Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
- Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
- Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Excerpt #3
- Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
These are just a few, more courtroom quotations, as well as funny conversations from other situations can be found here.
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